People with herpes should wear stickers.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
