it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
