So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
