I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
