I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
