Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
