I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
