i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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