Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
