The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The ass gains better be worth it
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