I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
