if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
