Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
