Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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