On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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