Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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