He asked to "fluff my boner.."
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
