just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
