Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
