She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
