Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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