she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
