goodnight i made you a song goodbye
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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