Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
