i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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