you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
