just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
