Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
