Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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