I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
