I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
