My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
