Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
