Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
