You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
