the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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