Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
