I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
