I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
