dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
