If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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