I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
