the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
