It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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