I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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