Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
