I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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