I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
