Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
