The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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